Accepting Things  (and people) as They Are

Taking a look at ourselves in the mirror and accepting that we have things that need to change is hard. Choosing to shift into a better person is even harder, but plenty necessary if we want to experience a big life. Staying put is comfortable and makes sense. What doesn’t make sense, though, is never evolving or making a change within ourselves to become a little better than we were yesterday. If not for us, we should do it for the people watching us. If not for the people watching, for the betterment of the world as a whole.

I envy people who seem completely nonreactive when something triggering happens to them. They’ll often say that there’s no point in getting upset, because there isn’t anything they can do about it. Like, how freaking mature. I have one person like this in my family and it [a little bit… okay a lot bit] drives me crazy. Not because she obviously has a much higher emotional IQ than I do, but because she reminds me that I need to work on myself. How do they do it? Was it a gene they were born with, their parents getting it right for her first five years of life or was it learned?

I struggle regularly with accepting things as they are. Unfortunately, this also hits me when I’m trying my darndest to accept people for who they are. It’s something that I have inadvertently “genetically” passed down to my oldest daughter, so fucking boo to that. I’ll use a surface value example of this. Yes, this example is of a dog, but people are dogs, too! I have a coffee mug that really leans int that, so for the sake of this blog making sense, let’s go with it.

Back to pretending a dog is a person: I have an English Bulldog named Oreo. She is five years old, and there is no reason on God’s green earth that she should think that she is allowed to get on the couch. If dogs were able to flip the middle finger, she’d be first in line. People who have never owned and English Bulldog try and offer up advice on training this canine companion, but their ideas are mute and, I promise you, have already been explored each idea to a depth you wouldn’t think possible.

 Alright, so today for example… Today I took off the individual covers of my Joybird sectional, washed every piece with care, and hung dry them like I was straight out of a Martha freaking Stewert Magazine. My entire home smelled of clean laundry, it was magnificent, and the couch looked brand new! For a brief moment in time, that is. ENTER: The wrath of Oreo (if you play the song “Bass Ass Bitches” by Wiz Khalifa while looking at her photo, you’ll get the whole vibe, and it’ll make sense). This was clearly an invite for that little em effer to get hair all over the freshly laundered couch. I have accepted this, because if I don’t I lose my freaking mind. I now keep a pretty throw blanket that looks nice on the area she sleeps, and the world is a better place. Not perfect, but better. SIDE NOTE: You’ll take notice from the photo I’ve shared; She even pushes the envelope with that by moving the blanket ever-so-slightly, just a scotch, so part of her body touched the couch. I mean, it is what it is. I have accepted that she is an ass hole and does as she pleases.

I realize that if you have a well-mannered dog or no dog at all, this story is going to be completely irrelevant to your life. Maybe they gave you the wrong drink at Starbucks and you can’t drink it without messing up your 73-day sugar fast. Little things like this will ruin our day if we allow them to. Sometimes our week. And for many people, their whole personalities. We all know a ‘Negative Nancy’ and we avoid her at all costs. For many of us this is someone at work or in our family, which means they may be hard to avoid. Sometimes impossible.

Over the 40 years that I have graced this earth, here’s what I’ve learned regarding accepting things and people as they come: Either you will choose to accept it, or you need to make the decision to let it go. Complaining is too toxic and contagious, and it will consume your life if you don’t take care. Your life is your choice, and allowing or limiting things that are a part of that life is completely up to you.

Simply put: If you don’t like something, Change it. If you can accept it, accept it and don’t bring it up again.

The sooner we understand that we are in control of a lot of what happens in our life, the sooner you can start taking baby steps towards becoming the person you were meant to be. Similarly, the faster you’ll learn that ‘no’ isn’t a bad word, the more you’ll feel comfortable saying it. It just means ‘no.’  You can accept them, allow space to inwardly disagree with them, and you’ll still allowed to call yourself a good person and remain guilt-free.

If you’re at a point where you want to accept something or someone… Maybe, you must because they are your child or your child’s spouse. Maybe it’s your new manager at work, but you’ve got 5 more years until you’re at full retirement, so you know you’re in this for the long run. Maybe you’ve just got to work for a long shift, and you were just informed that 4 people called out sick today. Whatever scenario you’re in and you’ve decided that you’re going to accept it, just remember one thing: Every time you practice patience and are successful with being nonreactive, the sooner it will become a habit. 

Changing something about the way we have always processed emotions is simple, but it’s not easy. We know what we should do [not react], it’s just actually doing it [having self-control to inwardly overpower anger and anxiety] that’s the problem. Just like the plastic surgeon says: Be realistic and expect improvement, not perfection. We probably think things should have gone a little better, but if we are making leaps and bounds or even baby steps, those will collectively turn you into a better version of yourself. The version that you are deep down inside.

And one more thing before I leave you… Take a look back at how you reacted to triggering things when you were 5 or 10 years younger. See?? You’re way smarter and more patient that you were back then. Make a habit of comparing yourself to your past self, and remind yourself that you are evolving, you’re human, and mistakes can allow us to fail forward.

Alright, gotta’ go. Time to rearrange the sheets on the couch to keep them ‘Oreo hair-free.’ Love ya.’ Mean it.

Jena

Weekly Song: https://open.spotify.com/track/2u2udGmop1z67EPpr91km7?si=df35233a45044fe3