Prioritizing What Really Matters

I know what you’re thinking. Jena has her shit together and she grew her business based purely on consistency and how business-minded she is. I’m laughing out loud, because if there is one thing that’s clear, it’s that consistency is not my strong suit. Coming up with cool ideas and not finishing them- Now we’re talking! I wish that I could say that I was this organized, planned out, schedule abiding business owner, but I signed documents promising that I wouldn’t be that. In fact, to get my sign-on bonus for this position, I had to agree to be a total hot mess all the time. In a positive light, at least you know that I’m authentic and I solemnly swear that you can always rely on that. Thanks to my diagnosis of moderate to severe adult attention deficit order, you’ll be able to tune in to ‘hot mess express productions’ for years to come. Okay, back to our regular programming…

If you struggle with having a messy mind, maybe we’re the same, you and me. Maybe during this week’s episode of ‘Hot Mess Express,’ we both decided to start a new garden project instead of starting to check off boxes from our very important to-do list. Did we just become best friends? I think so.

Reboot. Back to what I was saying. I think that this choice to prioritize something that is clearly not of importance comes because we are attempting to self-regulate stress in our life. When we’ve hit that maximum load of things that are thrown at us, we need something to take us back to a safe place, free of feelings that bring up anxiety, emotional outbursts, or something else self-deprecating. It is the act of physically removing yourself from a situation that makes you feel out of control of yourself and placing yourself in an environment that allows the emotions to settle, leaving you able to pick up the pieces and put them back on the shelf on your own time. Maybe that’s this evening, maybe it’s in two weeks. It will get done, but on our own time.

This is probably why you chose self-employment as a career or crave that for yourself. I know that it’s precisely why I chose to be my own boss. I thrive when I am in a quiet environment, when I am working completely by myself, and when I can switch tasks when I’m bored. Being a business owner means that we have to wear 10 different hats on any given day. No, wait. We get to wear ten different hats. Some days we just pick up one or two, others it’s all ten, then another two that we didn’t even know existed. It’s fast paced, but slowed to a pace that we can stretch out in 2-hour increments when we need that for ourselves.

This week’s discussion is going to be more about leaning into what you need to be happy rather than talking about the secrets of prioritizing or the life changing habits of ‘Swedish Death Cleaning’. My priorities will likely differ from yours vastly, and vice versa. Who am I to say what’s most important. It’s more about building a relationship with what’s more important to you today? Is it going to look slightly different tomorrow? If you’re anything like me, and I’ll bet you are, you have no idea. And some days you probably won’t know where to start. That’s okay, too.

I have an idea that I want to share with you that I learned years ago when I traveled to Austin, Texas for the “Rachel Hollis Rise Conference.’ She called it ‘Idea Soup.’ This was a practice she used that was meant to help visually see all your priorities right in front of you, and help you eliminate each task by means of importance; Which task was more important than another? So, grab a pen and piece of paper and try this exercise with me.

I want you to just randomly write down all the things that you need and want to get done over the next few weeks, maybe even month. Heck, maybe even by the end of the year if that’s more realistic for you. Take a few minutes and write them all down. As the days go on, you can simply add things that come to mind, cross off tasks that have been completed or just aren’t seen as a priority that needs to be completed within your time frame at this moment. Choose the three most important tasks and start from there. Each time you finish a task, you’ll find that some of the original tasks will start to become irrelevant, or maybe they were inadvertently taken care of when you completed another task. What I have personally experienced with this exercise is that there is a power in writing things down and being able to look at them and compare. You just can’t get that with digital. It’s why I prefer a paper book over a digital book. I’m all over an audio book, because it allows me to multi-task when I’m doing things at home or when I’m filling orders.

Here is a game changer for me when it comes to lists: When someone else creates my list, it creates anxiety and stress, because I don’t like to be told what to. I instantly go into rebel mode and find myself fighting the urge to have one of those ‘swipe everything off the table moments’ because I just ‘can’t take it anymore.’ It’s why I work for myself, it’s why I have three friends, and it’s probably where a lot of my issues derive from. But this is me. This is who I am. This is one of my triggers. This is how I process things. I can recognize when someone is trying to control me, and I know that I am not capable of success in this specific corner. I need the list to be mine to feel proud when I’ve completed it. If this sounds like you, don’t ask for outside help, and limit the unsolicited advice when people try to dish it out to you.

Remember to give yourself grace and to be patient with yourself. There are times when I am so emotionally tapped out, I don’t have it in me to pick something. Those are the mornings that I try and force myself to get up at an ungodly hour and write OR just allow myself to sleep in and get the bare minimum done that day. On the days I write, I follow the method from the book, ‘The Artists Way.’ In there, she calls them ‘pages.’ The idea is to wake up and start writing before your mind is fully awake. It pulls out so many unconscious thoughts or things pouring onto your paper that help you process your buried feelings and emotions. The words you’ll write will heal things that you didn’t know needed healing. It’s an incredible way to get to know your psyche on an unfamiliar level.

In all fairness, you’re just human. Honestly, I’m not even sure I believe that. Maybe we are just having human experiences and the whole point is to learn what we are already doing; to master self-regulating so we don’t blow our fuse and have a mid-life crisis. Maybe everyone else has been doing it wrong all along. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?

I believe that our biggest triggers are what can bring us to the point of overwhelm, and finding ways to lower the temperature helps tremendously. I talk a lot about overwhelming, because it can be debilitating. If you’re often overwhelmed, my best advice for you is to start where you can actually control what happens. Get into the habit of responding with, “Can I think about it?’ When someone invites you somewhere or asks for a favor… “Can I think about it?” This is a big trigger for me, because I always say ‘yes’ without letting myself process what’s been asked of me. I lack boundaries in this department, because I want to be seen as helpful. It’s not even the “N” work… No. ‘Can I think about it?’ allows you to recognize that you may be a little too impulsive or quick to make an informed decision. Most of the time, that person isn’t even going to reach back out to you. If they do reach back out to check in on your ‘maybe,’ it gives you the opportunity to respond back digitally. This allows space for you comfort to say, ‘Maybe next time, but right now isn’t a good time,” or maybe space to ask any follow up questions that may have come to you. And if they need an answer on the spot or if it just doesn’t feel right, that’s okay, too. Remember, “No” is a complete sentence.

It's okay to feel like you don’t have the world figured out, or even your own life. I’ll let you in on a little secret: No one does. No one has it all figured out. Not me, not the founder of Target, and probably not even our grandparents. Life isn’t about figuring it all out; It’s about finding what works for us today and being able to pivot when that doesn’t work in a year. Or if you’re like me, pivot when that doesn’t work for you in two hours. As long as you’re doing your best, that’s the best you can offer to anyone. And that’s all anyone can ever ask for.  

Keep on being you and learning more about yourself when you have space for that. You’re amazing and you’re going to move mountains, ya’ little over achiever!

Love ya! Mean it!

Jena

Song Link https://open.spotify.com/track/2lwwrWVKdf3LR9lbbhnr6R?si=c959dc842c1b4ae5